The Olympic countdown begins – all we need is a questionable sponsor - The Guardian
Crank up the Olympic anthem, order a McDonald's Coca-Cola so big you could host the single sculls event on it, and pull up one of the cheap seats for the London Olympics. Yes, yes – I know what you're thinking, and you're right: with a mere 64 days to go, we ARE starting this far too late, and are unlikely to ever catch up with it all, a bit like that Moroccan skier who got lapped on the giant slalom course in 1992, or the Equatorial Guinean swimmer Eric "the Eel" Moussambani, who was a breakout star of the Sydney Games. (Incidentally, fans of recherché Olympic heroes may know that Eric will be in London for the Games – having recently been seconded as coach of his country's swimming team. "He will have to reconcile his work in the oil world with his new responsibility as national coach," according to an Equatorial Guinea government spokesperson.)
Clearly, this column's first task must be to secure itself the sine qua non of modern Olympics: a sponsor. Looked at dispassionately, the opportunity would suit a transfat retailer or a mid-range Middle Eastern dictatorship, but we're open to all bids, as long as they're offered with the usual inducements.
And so to perplexing retail trends on the official London 2012 website. If you are one of those who continue to deny the tractor beam pull of Olympic mascots Wenlock and Mandeville, then I can only assume you have yet to clap eyes on the below. The cuddly games mascots were designed with a single, unblinking eye to "record everything", according to the official 2012 literature, which makes the decision to draft one of them into the Metropolitan police so intriguing.
Wenlock in his Metropolitan police incarnation. Photograph: Oli Scarff/Getty Images Behold, an official special edition Wenlock, whose menacing stare and failure to display his badge number suggest he'll fit right in on secondment to the force, especially if he goes on the sick halfway thorough the Games fortnight.
Officer Wenlock's statutory powers and obligations are unclear – he may be required to terminate rogue mascots with extreme prejudice – but the remarkable fact is that this particular model has completely sold out at the official London 2012 shop. Is this the work of ironists or a finally subjugated populace?
Who knows, but it certainly grants us the first instalment of The Way They See Us, an occasional feature showcasing foreign views of London's Games. The Olympics briefly allow the host nation to see itself as the rest of the world sees it – and hilarity does not always ensue. Is the overseas reaction to Officer Wenlock quite the look the London organisers were going for?
Describing London as "the premier panopticon city", a Forbes writer this week described the mascot as the (presumably) unintentional embodiment of the sort of nightmarish surveillance dystopia even Orwell couldn't imagine, adding: "It seems that those in the UK are already living in that world." Or as the official 2012 slogan has it: "Inspire a generation."
In the weeks ahead, this column plans to get to know our sponsors so well that their press officers will simulate going into a tunnel when we call. For now, let's send the warmest of greetings to torch relay "presenting partner" Coca-Cola, who this week staked an early claim for the title of Most Self-Parodic Olympic Sponsor when they indicated dismay that torchbearers selling their "memento" on eBay should have introduced the taint of commerce to the event.
Among those selected to carry the flame by Coca-Cola was Black Eyed Peas star Will.i.am, a man I could never truly despise on account of he seems to have been punctuated specifically to enrage the Queen's English Society. Alas, others seem less enamoured, perhaps because his decision to tweet his 300m procession through Taunton made it look as though he was texting. There also seem to be some niggles about over-exposure, what with his being on BBC1's The Voice on Saturday and Sunday, the torch route on Tuesday, and – somewhere in between – being helicoptered into Oxford University to discourse on climate change.
But please, let us hear no more carping, because resistance seems increasingly futile. The sea change seems to have only taken a few weeks, but Will.i.am is now an inevitability of British life, a sort of pointy-haired Kenneth Widmerpool, a seemingly unstoppable character as likely to be found pronouncing Somerset towns to be dope as he is authoring a government report on medium-term fiscal consolidation.
Finally, this column welcomes all satirical acts by nation states, so is very saddened to learn that Cambodia's wildcard pick for the men's marathon has been finally vetoed by the International Association of Athletics Federations. Phnom Penh will now apparently field a marathon runner, of all things, and not a Japanese-born comedian who dresses as a cat.
London 2012: Jessica Ennis Labelled 'Fat' By UK Athletics Official, Says Coach - huffingtonpost.co.uk
Jessica Ennis was labelled "fat" by a senior official at UK Athletics, according to her coach Toni Minichiello.
A "high-ranking person" at the governing body said the 26-year-old poster goal of the London 2012 Olympics is "fat and she's got too much weight", according to Minichiello.
The 45-year-old has coached the heptathlete since she was 11, and poured scorn on the criticism, clarifying Ennis' weight hadn't fluctuated.
"The things you can't deal with are what we've dubbed 'silver bullets'," the 45-year-old told The Guardian. "And other people. You can't deal with the expectations and pressures that are on other people, like the BOA's [British Olympic Association] team management."
Born in Sheffield, like Ellis, Minichiello suggested the distractions in the build-up to the Games stemmed from "people in fairly high positions, who should know better".
Commercial activities have been ramped up with just over two months to go until the Olympics begin, and Minichiello bemoaned the "advice" he has personally received, claiming it is easy to get "distracted by" the "background noise".
The former civil servant however conceded Ennis' image has elevated as London 2012 looms, but stressed she remained humble.
"The difference is that she's now a 'personality'. If she walks into the dining room, people will go 'Ooh, that's Jessica Ennis from athletics.'
"Equally, she'd turn round and go 'Wow, that's David Beckham on the Great Britain football team.' So there's lots of distractions."
UK Athletics have declined to comment.
London 2012 security guards told to smile - SBS
Private security guards manning venues at July and August's London Olympics have been warned against over-zealous behaviour that might alienate sports fans, the firm in charge of training said.
The opening day of a major event can be tense, as the start of the Olympic torch relay demonstrated this week when a police security team escorting the runners grabbed a spectator they thought was trying to reach the torchbearer and pushed him into a hedge.
Mark Hamilton, the man leading G4S's Olympic security team which will operate airport-style searches and screening at venues, said guards were being encouraged to engage with spectators.
"I think it is very relevant not to over-react to situations that arise on the first day - to make sure they are properly assessed and that the communications process is working in the way it should so that the decisions are made at the right time and people act in the right way," the managing director told reporters.
He said guards had to be thorough but it should not be an "onerous experience" for fans.
He suggested guards may have acted over-the-top when stopping photographers taking pictures from a public path of a vehicle checking area in the Olympic Park.
"There's no doubt that's a lesson learnt, not to overly criticise the workforce and the guards involved because they are operating under a regime where hostile reconnaissance is something they have to be aware of," he said.
"How they handle that, and how they manage it and how they report it is obviously something we've learnt a lesson from."
G4S guards can also check vehicles, such as buses, travelling through the Olympic Park in east London.
More than 100,000 people applied for one of the 10,400 temporary jobs in what G4S describes as one of the biggest paid recruitment drives in Britain this century.
G4S will recruit, train and coordinate the guards, in addition to managing 3,300 students and 3,000 volunteers.
As well as screening at entry, guards will be responsible for queue management and protecting the perimeters and equipment.
The London Olympic organising committee (LOCOG) was forced to renegotiate its contract with G4S at the end of last year after the committee more than doubled the number of people needed from an early estimate of 10,000 to 23,700.
The cost went up from 86 million pounds ($135.15 million) to 284 million pounds, leading to criticism in a UK parliamentary spending watchdog report.
(Reporting by Avril Ormsby, editing by Mark Meadows)
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