LONDON VAUXHALL DEALERS

Since 2010, it has been building up momentum with annual events. Celebrities and political heavyweights, from Boris Johnson to John Prescott, have leant their support, and the Olympics will be the climax. More than 700 tables have been placed around the country; the first thing our Olympic guests will see on arrival at Heathrow will be groups of Englishmen pinging and ponging for all they’re worth. As the Mayor of London said at the Beijing Olympics in 2008, when he discovered that London would host the 2012 Olympics: “Ping pong is coming home.”

The brains behind Ping! England is Colette Hiller, who also set up Sing London, which in 2009 installed “street pianos” throughout the city. She is convinced that table tennis has the power to bring a smile to the face of the nation. “These public tables are small interventions into everyday life,” she says. “They make us feel more human in this digitalised city.”

The project is refreshingly non-commercial. “We’re not selling anything, or pushing a message,” says Hiller. “People look so pleased and surprised that these tables are just there to make them happy.”

As it turned out, Parker was a defensive player, which is unusual in the world of professional table tennis. Instead of smashing my serve, she returned it with the most extraordinary amount of spin, and my subsequent shot ricocheted into the net. So did the one after that. And the one after that. This was a level of play that bordered on the numinous; she was a finely tuned machine, and I was the equivalent of an egg whisk. I hadn’t even scored a point. Time for more dirty tricks.

“Of course,” I said, “ping pong isn’t really a sport, is it?” Her face clouded over, and immediately I delivered a fast serve. That would be the only point I scored in the match.

I tried to be dignified in defeat. Then Paul Drinkhall, the men’s No 1, demonstrated some jaw-dropping trick shots. He hit the ball behind his back, through his legs, and from an unfeasible distance from the table, wowing the bystanders. Finally he gave me some very useful tips for improving my game (see below).

Paul and Joanna both left home at the age of 12 to live near the Nottingham Table Tennis Academy, where they went to school during the day, and learnt table tennis in the evenings and at weekends. That was where they met – they have been an item for the past six years – and their entire worlds are wrapped up with the sport. They don’t drink, rarely go out, and carefully control their diets.

“The beauty of table tennis is its accessibility,” says Paul. “You don’t need much money, or any expensive kit. Kids can bring the game back to its roots and knock a ball around on the dinner table. Old people can play, too, even from a chair. It’s a serious Olympic sport, but open to everyone at the same time. It’s a people’s game.”

Indeed, part of the Ping! England campaign involves “random acts of ping pong”. During summer, there will be “ping pong picnics”; “pint a point” sessions, where free drinks are offered if you can win a point against a professional; and glow-in-the-dark table tennis tables in nightclubs. There will also be a lecture in the Science Museum about the science of spin, a table tennis rap evening at the Camden Roundhouse (“rap to the rhythm of the bat”), and a film about an over-eighties table tennis team, called Ping Pong: Never Too Old For Gold.

Details can be found at pingengland.co.uk. There is no doubt about it. Table tennis’s moment has arrived.

TOP TIPS FROM TEAM GB

• Posture a lot of people are very rigid, and stand too close to the table. You should be an arm’s length from the table, with knees slightly bent and springy

• Practise your spin You can do this on any household table. Practise spinning the ball so it comes back to you, or so that it bounces to the left or right

• Improve your serve This is a good way to get lots of cheap points. Get 50-100 balls, and just experiment. Try copying YouTube videos

• Work on your consistency Practise the simple shots until they are solid. Only then move onto the difficult techniques

• Stay positive The game has such a small margin for error that you will definitely make mistakes. If you get annoyed, you’ll make more

• Develop your forehand topspin Often, this shot makes the difference. It is very hard to stop and can be played from around the table